29 August 2013
I learned at uni how chock full of harshness the writings of Luther are, but this is fun:
This is important at least to me:
My favourite Putin pictures.
Yesterday was exhausting for me, but I did get World of Tanks installed on my puter so I can make Richard play it. :-) He loves tanks. I'd previously installed some beta war game in Steam so he can try both.
It was hot and the humidity makes the friction hard to overcome when I'm dragging my foot, but Tiff visited, which was fun. Me: it's too hot for clam chowder!!!!! Tiff always feeds me but has a predeliction for hot soup that I can't share at all now but especially not when it's 80 degrees. She's so awesome she had cold food up her sleeve including asparagus and watermelon.
After she left I had to just stay where I was as I felt like I was too depleted to be able to get up until I'd rested a bit. Eating quotes me out as digestion uses energy. Heat wipes me out. Visitors wipe me out. I SUCK!!! :-)
This morning I awoke at 6 so hot I had to get up and turn the fan on. No, it wasn't hot. I decided I need to just do absolutely nothing today, as opposed to my usual nothing much. I did track down the painting of Putin in women's underwear that caused me such glee in mere text description.
I've been hanging out a lot on G+ lately and suddenly realised it's taken Twitter's place for me. That made me just a tad sad as I admire Ev to the max. He made both Blogger and Twitter. I used to read blogs long before I decided to have one, and I've had one for over ten years. That revolution was immensely meaningful to me, and seems eons ago though it was not long really.
At that time I was on free dial-up and using everyone's tiny bit off free isp storage space to build them websites for fun. I remember Marilyn C saying HOW DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THESE THINGS??? as I blithely FTPed images to someone or other's server space. I just figured it out with the aid of my trusty inherited engineer genes. I think it helps to be able to visualise things. I certainly didn't have anyone showing me what to do and certainly never read any instruction manuals.
Not that I'm anything special but truthfully it's obvious how very little most people understand of computers. Back in about 1999 my brother was profoundly frustrated with his crap computer he'd bought as it was like his friend's, and perhaps used it 5 times, I think. I told him not to worry, as computers were going to get easier to use, not harder, and that they were hard too use as they were so limited and stupid. I don't know how I knew that but I did and it was exactly right.
It's been raining all day so far.
27 August 2013
Well, I certainly felt terrible enough with just the neurological impairment and the hepatitis c, then started to feel 100 times worse with cancer, much worse with the warm weather, and now 100 additional times worse with the tamoxifen, which I'm not even sure why I'm taking. One of the worst parts is that I've been unable to move for long stretches of the day and so have lost the tiny gains I had laboriously garnered through physical therapy.
I cannot even tell you how hard it was doing physical therapy, but obviously being able to move just a tiny bit is a prerequisite for doing it at all. I am trying not to beat myself up about not being able to do it as it wasn't through choice. Still, we all know how stubbornly I refuse to concede defeat, so even though things are hideously bad I am once again attempting to do the impossible. If I have to start at one I will. Actually I started at five of a few of the PT exercises, and I'm trying to figure out what I can do if I can barely move. Pathetic? Heroic? When the arrows come so thickly they blot out the sun you must fight in the shade.
I can't rely on doing a routine; I need to be more versatile and have a roster of exercises from which to draw a few I can do at that moment. My best time is morning and then after 10pm. I've been loathe to use up all my energy (such as it is) right off the bat however I will have to.
*Mission Impossible theme starts up in the background*
Doesn't it seem as though no government can function in the people's interests once the population exceeds some certain number? Also it seems that a government loses its goodness after a certain time period. It seems to me that a system that might work is to limit the number of people any government serves, and have two or more types of government and swap the one being used every so often, then when one starts up again it goes back to its original form. Careful note might be made of any changes during its use that proved beneficial.
You might ask, "Noted by whom?" and the answer is that everyone has to be alert and take part, and the responsibility is shared by all. If people don't care then it all slopes back to a lousy system.
Younger countries have a certain vigour that could be artificially recreated in this way. As time goes on a country with the same system accumulates errors and the corruption pulls it to one side like a car with a bent axle.
I just don't think any government can work for huge populations. I'm not sure what the optimum number is. I feel the ponderousness of the system acts as a prism for errors. Australia has a population of something like 23 million. That seems to work. By contrast the USA has a population of around 360 million, I think. If you count just illegal aliens, that is half Australia's population. I think L.A. has nearly as many people as Australia. Clearly, at least to me, it's insane to think one hoary old system is going to be useful for the common man when stretched across that size of population.
Then, too, all people are not the same and a small state that is functioning well for its inhabitants might be dissimilar to five other small states with happy populations who like different things. Variety is the spice of life. Let the spice flow.
A huge system also acts as a reflector for power, which is bad. It means a large system has more power than a small one. A large system gathers corruption, doesn't serve its population, and may misuse power.
Types of government systems that could be swapped might be, oh, a council of greybeards (vigorous elderly people promoted by their local populations to a capacity with no pay who serve a certain amount of time), democracy, minimalist government, I dunno. Each type of government would probably need its own optimum time period.
Obviously it would help if certain unwieldy problems such as energy fulfillment were solved, but I think that's on the way and also would have happened sooner without the jumbo corrupt systems fucking everything up.
I hated dairy when I was a child, and didn't butter bread or put anything on a dry ice cream cone. Later I ate corn flakes with milk. When I got pregnant I had a huge craving for milk which I suspect was for the calcium and vitamin d (I had a miscarriage). After menopause I started putting milk in my coffee. Horrors! Again I think it was for the vitamin d.
I've been trying various alternative milks and here's my rundown.
Tastes Good But Had Unfortunate Side Effects
Tastes Good But No Good in Coffee
Tastes Good and Good in Coffee
Hemp milk is the clear winner for me.
The original from Pacific is a bit too sweet. The unsweetened is a bit tasteless. Mixing would work but I ordered off Amazon and original was 6 quarts delivered for 20$ and unsweetened was 6 quarts delivered for 50$. Easy choice.
I love this work: http://www.worldofthreadsfestival.com/artist_interviews/045_marjolein_dallinga.html
26 August 2013
Ode to Joy
24 August 2013
21 August 2013
NemWan on reddit said:
In the ASOIAF books the Hound is a horribly abused and damaged child in the body of a man, essentially. He reminds me a lot of the little chimney sweep, Tom, in Water Babies. I loved Water Babies and other books of that ilk such as Santa Claus in Summer. Those were the books I read as a child.
It seems that we have passed through the time when the internet is good and possibilities are open. The internet now, sadly, is just a means for the evil ones to tap into your life, either for control or to better milk you like a poor milk cow. It occurs to me that we need to wrest it from the hands of those using it that way, if possible, but since that is probably not too likely we need to walk away from it and if possible build a substitute. I don't see any of that as likely, frankly, but right now it's the chains of our enslavement and we are embracing it. I love the internet even yet, but it isn't doing us any good.
20 August 2013
I'm trying to figure out what combination of things gives me the best and worst experience as lately the worst has been pretty bad. Just taking the past few days, on Sunday I had a Safeway delivery because I had run out of salad, liquids, and needed ibuprofen. I can't cook much anymore (cooking to mean doing any food assembly) and not reliably, so decided to get nuts for a portable, immediate, non-fridge foodstuff. There were no one hour windows that were suitable for delivery so I specified 11-1. Usually they are close to the beginning of the time so I was ready and waiting at 11.
At 12:50 the driver rang and said he'd be late. I think he arrived at about 1:30, delayed in part by a wedding down the street that had blocked things due to raggedy-ass parking. I had kept the a/c off as the driver wouldn't be able to hear me say Come In if the middle door was closed. I was starting to get seriously worn out and the day's warmth was rising, so I did the best I could which was with great difficulty put the freezer things away, then lie down without being able to put the fan or a/c on. After a while I put the fridge things away. I wound up very hot (this fever is low but debilitating) and got stuck for 5.5 hours. Wapped my ankle and bled all over the carpet again.
On Monday I could hardly move and just did nothing as nothing was possible, but hoped Tuesday would be better. Today is Tuesday and I am indeed better, did my morning best-practises routine which includes drinking a lot of very cold liquid as that helps to keep the fever down. I had a shower and whatnot, and am trying to slowly clean up various parts of the house that need it as I have visitors on Wed and Thursday.
Being so mightily ill is like having a terrible 24 hour job that is stupid, unfulfilling, unavoidable, and wipes out the possibility of doing anything else. And it's forever. Thanks, kismet. Still, things could be worse: I could be under the control of someone or something, or have to be around people. I am stubbornly making my way as best I can and that is as good as it can be for me; anyone reading this has to understand that there is a huge downside to undesired "help" although I understand it may be difficult for others to know the difference between undesired and desired help. Just rest assured that whatever you are like I am not like you so don't think you know what I want.
So I think that at the moment if I can be somewhat sensible about trying to avoid becoming depleted (make delivery time early and one hour only, turn on a/c before it's needed if I think i may be in for a tough time) and manage to do a morning routine that tries to minimise fever I'll be better off, but need to expect at least a day downtime if I get depleted.
16 August 2013
Back to... Today.
13 August 2013
I have an idea for some mesh avatars and I want to work on them but my body is broken so I can't. Arrrrrgh.
12 August 2013
Why does the Android Blogger app publishing always fail the first time?
Induction charging has been around for ages so why do I have to plug devices in to charge? That's hard for me. Stupid that the Future is so spotty. I don't want to buy extra gear just have things do it from the get go.
Today is shaping up to be a scummy day, sadly. Fever, sunburn feeling, no sleep, weak, etc.
Waiting for Elon Musk to get on the stick and do his hyperloop announcement. It reminds me of my suggested noobie plan for SL involving pneumatic tubes. They laughed when I sat down to play, as my mum would say.
11 August 2013
And no-one knows, tiddly pom
How cold my nose, tiddly pom
How cold my nose, tiddly pom
...or something like that. I haven't read it for 50 years.
No-one quite understands why I'm taking the tamoxifen, and I'm not exactly sure either except it has to do with a few things. One is just being curious how I would feel without the fever. It might not work, but I don't really care. I'm just interested in giving this one thing a good try. It might well have spread already which is fine, but I just don't really want it breaking through the skin. I decided before the doctor appointment that I'd just not think about what do beforehand and let a decision happen. I didn't want to be in a race with the lump as my sister and brother-in-law are coming out. I'm totally into the idea of not thinking about anything or expecting anything.
When I was talking to the surgeon first he told me what he'd recommend to a normal person then said But you won't do any of that. I agreed and he brought up tamoxifen, then wanted me to go directly to Dr Herring to try to see him to get a prescription. I said You are a troublemaker. He said But you are already out! I said You don't have to worry about peeing your pants. He agreed, sadly, and Tiff, who was in the room, said she'd run in to Dr Herring's and bend him to her will. So I said ok, then we went out to track down Messrs Hammer and Monster. During that I knocked off my elbow scab and bled buckets through toilet paper, paper towels, bandaid for some reason.
We got the Rx written and picked it up at Walgreen's. I got the feeling the doctors really wanted me to take the stuff, quite desperately, and were relieved I agreed to. Dr Dietz shook my hand for ages and told me he wished me well and to call him in a month to let him know if it is having any effect. Dr Herring told Tiff he'd tried to call me on my defunct landline so she gave him my cell number.
I'm not feeling too terrible today which is a miracle as Kim was here and that's always a strenuous day for me. She comes once a month to do my laundry and some cleaning. Originally it was her son Michael but he flaked out, which is good as Kim doesn't require as much energy on my part. She appreciates having the little job, and I appreciate having it done and try to always say thank you and praise her. I think that's important to everyone but perhaps especially for a single mother struggling to make her way. I never have change so it is always just a bit over what we agreed upon but today she had change and I told her not to bother as she is worth it. It was nice to see her face light up - from being appreciated, not from the paltry amount.
I remember reading in some work rules handbook that it's considered part of a boss's job to praise his employees, which makes sense to me. It was difficult for me as a child since it was 99% criticism to 1% praise, which makes one feel inadequate. At that time children were on a par with the family dog, sad to say. The family dog then, not the family dog now - a dog's life has changed a great deal.
I should say SL has paid for 3 or 4 computers and the Nexus. And other things. It'll pay for a laptop if I decide to get one.
10 August 2013
I must say Swype is quite fabulous.
The other thing I've been thinking about is getting a laptop so I could potentially do more. When I was in the market for my last computer I was of two minds.
I thought a laptop would allow me to possibly go somewhere, but any decent laptop was too expensive and I hate bad tech. Every laptop I looked at was fatally flawed in at least one area - usually bad graphics card or low cpu power or dubious heat handling.
When I decided on my desktop I was happy with it as it's a really awesome computer with all great components, two great graphics cards in sli, etc. I've been totally happy with it.
The laptop I had decided was the best in terms of design is the Asus gaming laptop. The price and specs have both become better. I'm thinking of getting one, which makes sense in two ways. If I am not going to live very long the money doesn't matter but if I am going to be around a little while it would be worth getting. Years ago I decided there were so few things I can use that I should just get whatever I want. I may be poor except I seem to be rich in a way. Also I had to sell my Sha. So therefore fuck money. There isn't enough money in the universe to make up for that.
I sort of suspect the 17" would be too big for me to handle. I'm going to have to think about this. Yeah escapism!
I love tech stuff so it's really hard that all this stuff exists now but my body is too wrecked to allow me to use it. I was distraught when I had to cancel my pre-order of the leap motion, and I'd love the occulus rift and Google glass. Boo hoo
Bought E a kindle fire as Amazon has just started using Amazon coins for buying apps, which means I don't need to get into the money thing. I am beating on Amazon to make them make the coins be an item you can buy as a gift. Amazon is missing out on the entire selling point of coins if it fails to do so. The initial rep I talked to asked me if I would buy coins. I said that was the selling point of the kindle for my purpose. They are being too tentative. Coins are a great invention that grandma can buy for kiddies so they can buy inexpensive apps. Come on Amazon, get with it.
I think I just bought it because I'm in such discomfort I'm grasping at anything to escape.
Writhing around in agony makes one seek escapism.
Tamoxifen is kicking my backside. Heat, dizziness, pain on top of the heat, dizziness, and pain I already had, plus sleep is not easily come by due to the level of discomfort. Here's hoping it levels off after a few days!
I think elizabeth laptop is not working so I might buy her a kindle fire amazon has collins now so that solves the money is you amazon coins can be use to buy apps I could just get another laptop but I need to talk to her find out why she's a circumcision before
Ugh, it must be the tamoxifen making me feel like Trainspotting.
09 August 2013
I had a biopsy last Friday and this Friday went in to see the doctor. There are two scales they use and the lump was bad on both (3 out of 3 in one, 8 out of 9 on the other). It's the type that often responds to tamoxifen pills though, which is the only thing I would consider doing.
Both doctors are nice men who know my situation and my wishes. I am very frank with them, and they understand and respect my views.
Upshot is I am taking tamoxifen and will see if it does anything (a month may show one way or another).
I am feeling wildly terrible but this is quite interesting as I like biology. I am not upset at all; the poor doctors were very sad, though haha!
07 August 2013
The Sun's magnetosphere is about to flip.
My nephew is home and although his speech was affected says it isn't too bad. Next is radiation, she said.
Compact Fusion Reactor
Technology Charles Chase and his team at Lockheed have developed a high beta configuration, which allows a compact reactor design and speedier development timeline (5 years instead of 30).
03 August 2013
Thank you, Justin :)
This was written on Thursday and though I thought it'd published it hadn't:
Tiff and Sean and Jack came and took me for the biopsy, which was terribly nice of them. Then later I was asleep, woke up a bit warm and tired, tipped over and realised my phone was on my bed. I crawled to the living room as that was the direction I was pointing, pulled down the phone and it was dead. Crawled to the kitchen and pulled down that phone. Dead. WTF? Crawled to my bed and pulled the blanket and got my cell, rang 911. I made them say, "Honey, I'm home!" when they arrived. What a comedy my life has become on its last act!
Whilst awaiting rescue I checked in case I'd been cut off or something but no, my phone bill is not overdue. I should just cancel it if it isn't even going to work at crucial times.
Supposedly I'll get the biopsy report on Friday, to pinpoint the cancer type. I feel I won't qualify for PAD, which is too, too bad. It has spread somewhat, which is a meh to me at this point. I'm trying to be aware and enjoy what I can of this stage as I think it might be short. From where I am it feels like it will go on and on and on but honestly I am going downhill at a perilous speed.
Lucia used to say it was like being offered a part in a movie and then being told it was not a leading lady instead it was the part of the cripple.
02 August 2013
"Repeat after me: Edward Snowden is not the story. The story is what he has revealed about the hidden wiring of our networked world. This insight seems to have escaped most of the world's mainstream media, for reasons that escape me but would not have surprised Evelyn Waugh, whose contempt for journalists was one of his few endearing characteristics. The obvious explanations are: incorrigible ignorance; the imperative to personalise stories; or gullibility in swallowing US government spin, which brands Snowden as a spy rather than a whistleblower."