New T shirts from Thread less.
- 29 March 2013
I feel guilty writing my adventures in meltdown land. Forgive me, it's the only way I have to expand my world. I used to try to rein it in but it's all I have to write about now and if I had strength I'd delve more deeply into the experience and give readers more of an idea of my pared-down life.
Around 5 or 5:30 the wall came down again. I have been lying in bed in the dark as I couldn't get up to turn the light on. It is lifting slowly and I was just able to flick the switch. I think it's evening fever. I have a low tolerance. I also have a low grade fever almost all the time for some reason.
My world has really shrunk to nothing, but I did go out in the sun this afternoon.
Current TV’s John Fugelsang talks with comedian and writer Elayne Boosler, Vulture.com correspondent Julie Klausner and Forbes.com contributor Rick Ungar about the story of Tim McDaniel, a science teacher in Dietrich, Idaho, who reportedly angered parents because he used the word “vagina” while teaching a lesson on human reproduction, among other complaints. “All kidding aside, the sanctity of the idea that you can’t joke or talk about female genitalia is just part of the silence around female sexuality, and it drives me crazy,” Klausner says.
Ages ago I was teaching art (probably we were making a video or something) to a kindergarten class at the Lut, and another adult was there who was an aide for that K class. A boy said, "I have a vagina." The aide barked out Hey! Do you want to go see the principal??!??!? I had been about to say, "No you don't, you have a penis." I shut up, though, however I didn't understand why it was any kind of a deal at all.
I woke up overheated and weak but I've become better. I have a tendency to get dehydrated and malnourished when I am very weak so I've been chugalugging lakewater and am considering eating.
Frank is coming at 10:30 tomorrow. Me: 10:30 - I'm not sure I can do it. Frank: Will your door be unlocked? Me: Yes. Frank: Will you be in your bed?Me: Yes. Frank: That's all you need to do.
I spent 5 min in Wild Divine Online.
Update: I was just a free account in WDOnline. I can dig out my old lightstone and give it a whirl though, as I bought WD in what - 2002 or something - but it may or may not work for me now. I think that's all that's needed. If it all works I'll send it to you, Enj. WDO is a curiosity at this point and I think they have made some mega-crappy design choices, but it's fun to check out. It isn't 3d. It reminds me of Google's virtual world (I think that's the one). If you imagine what it could be like in an SLish platform you'll be very disappointed at its reality. Hell, get volunteers to build it in Kitely and reward them with premium founder memberships and it'd look great.
28 March 2013
I just had to call 911 as I'm so weak that when I sat down I slipped into a weird incline half off the bed and couldn't get up. I at least got onto the floor OK which was harder than it sounds, then tried unsuccessfully to get up. I tried calling Brandon but wound up having to get the firemen. They were nice and I'm beyond embarrassment at this point even if I was in my knickers.
I'm tired of this bug. I suck at the best of times but I'm triply weak now. It's just a freaking cold but might as well be diphtheria as far as I'm concerned.
I'm so, so tired of being a physical wreck. It wasn't so bad until my right hand totally went, but now my stamina is low and even being on the puter is beyond me most days.
Well, I need to focus on the gains I made due to Hallo's gift of methylcobalamine (which helped me make the most of the pt), the physical therapy, Frank's generosity in coming here to give me jin shin, a million uplifting and thoughtful gifts (intellectual, spiritual, and material) from Enjah, SJ's support and insight, Con's willingness to cheerfully schlep me around, Tiff's visits (she brings dinner and cooks!), and others who make my life liveable. Thank you, all.
27 March 2013
Feel awful. Seriously, I can't do this much longer.
Just watched Feuille, a whacky amateurish film about a Chinese painter and a French photographer.
Terribly sick.
26 March 2013
I love bees and just noticed that one of Wild Divine's founders is behind http://www.backyardhive.com Cool beans.
I feel wretched. Trying to do my exercises today as I missed yesterday. Headache, sore throat, glandy, feverish, weak, sinus, streaming. Please go away, bug.
Today Creatorverse is Amazon's free app of the day.
Update: Creatorverse is a lot like SodaPlay. I used to occasionally make whacky Strandbeast-esque jiggly thingummies years ago.
Any second there is going to be a Journey to Wild Divine Online. That will be worth taking a peek. I bought JtoWD eons ago when it first came out.
Last Tuesday I had pt, Wednesday doctor, Thursday pt, Saturday cleaner/laundry, Sunday jin shin, then yesterday awoke with an awful sore throat and attendant symptoms of a head cold. Can't remember when I last had one. Quite miserable.
22 March 2013
15 March 2013
09 March 2013
Last week Sunday was tiring, Monday I did my exercises of course but tried to be subdued. Tuesday I felt great - peppy! Safeway delivery. I expected PT as she had said Tues on phone but I waited in vain. Wednesday I was fine in the morning but PT Margot came at 11 and I was exhausted and useless the rest of the day. Thursday I was exhausted. OT Caryn came at 3. Tiff came at about 5. Friday I was exhausted. PT Kerry came at 11. Friday evening was dismal.
This morning I slept in until 8:30 and don't have to wait around all day, there is sun, and I anticipate a decent day. Tomorrow Michael comes so it's back to exhausting. At some point maybe I'll catch up with things and start to gain. I think the PTs making me do my exercises all at once makes me not recover (they tell me not to do that). Usually I do them in a more measured fashion. Also waiting around all day is tiring.
07 March 2013
C S Lewis wrote in Perelandra:
now, by a transition which he did not notice, it seemed that what had begun as speech was turned into sight, or into something that can be remembered only as if it were seeing. He thought he saw the Great Dance. It seemed to be woven out of the intertwining undulation of many cords or bands of light, leaping over and under one another and mutually embraced in arabesques and flower-like subtleties. Each figure as he looked at it became the master-figure or focus of the whole spectacle, by means of which his eye disentangled all else and brought it into unity – only to be itself entangled when he looked to what he had taken for mere marginal decorations and found that there also the same hegemony was claimed, and the claim made good, yet the former pattern not thereby dispossessed but finding in its new subordination a significance greater than that which it had abdicated. He could see also (but the word 'seeing' is now plainly inadequate) wherever the ribbons or serpents of light intersected, minute corpuscles of momentary brightness: and he knew somehow that these particles were the secular generalities of which history tells – peoples, institutions, climates of opinion, civilisations, arts, sciences, and the like – ephemeral coruscations that piped their short song and vanished. The ribbons or cords themselves, in which millions of corpuscles lived and died, were things of some different kind. At first he could not say what. But he knew in the end that most of them were individual entities. If so, the time in which the Great Dance proceeds is very unlike time as we know it. Some of the thinner and more delicate cords were beings that we call shortlived: flowers and insects, a fruit or a storm of rain, and once (he thought) a wave of the sea. Others were such things as we also think lasting: crystals, rivers, mountains, or even stars. Far above these in girth and luminosity and flashing with colours from beyond our spectrum were the lines of the personal beings, and yet as different from one another in splendour as all of them from all the previous class. But not all the cords were individuals; some were universal truths or universal qualities. It did not surprise him then to find that these and the persons were both cords and both stood together against the mere atoms of generality which lived and died in the clashing of their streams: but afterwards, when he came back to earth, he wondered.
Would be a good description of an LSD trip. It always seemed to me that the seething patterns were fractals revealed by but not invented by drugs.
On Tuesday I was peppy. I was a lot more physical than I've been able to be lately. On Wednesday a PT came earlyish and I never quite recovered, being weak and feverish all night. Today the OT comes at 3 or so, which is late, and Tiff comes after, so I'll try to conserve energy.
05 March 2013
04 March 2013
the unseen becomes felt
the usual explanation is that they feel the approach of death.
but i think it's expanding awareness.
picture my baby son at the ocean.
the infinite sky, the endless beach, the limitless sea.
what did he do?
picked up nearby cigarette butts.
as children our area of awareness is so small, because everything is new.
once the nearby is familiar we extend our awareness out another step.
awareness expands and grows as we age and become familiar with a wider and wider circle, until it reaches and then includes the unseen, the felt, the sensed world beyond our 5 senses, the world we maybe scoffed at in our body-centered youth.
03 March 2013
02 March 2013
01 March 2013
Things are unpredictable.