On the bright side, my brother says he's so well that his doctors are amazed, and when he has levels of things determined his bad things are unmeasurable. That's good. He's got metastasised prostate cancer. We are as absolutely close as we could be -- no time or space boundaries have made any difference. Once at LAX my plane was to take off while he had another few hours. We tearfully parted and he ran off, not able to stand more than a quick good-bye before I boarded. Then my plane was delayed for ages, but it was Too Late. Funny, really.
My father's wife gets back on the 8th -- she is unaware that she's a widow. My brother was livid about that -- although I did my best to explain. She was there during the part that mattered.
7:30pm -- Today was cool, thank god.
I had thought that it wouldn't be too terrible losing my father as I felt he was gone, anyway, due to the Alzheimer's. I was wrong, however.
My sleep has been mega-skanky. I took an ExcedrinPM and had some oddball sleep, then two -- hoping for a knockout. No, just intermittent skanky sleep again. Last night I didn't take anything, but I also didn't sleep very much. I heard a telephone ring in a dream, and it woke me up, at least I thought so at the time. Then I thought if I'd remained asleep and answered the phone it would've been my father on the other end. I think I was still asleep, though.
After my mum died I was sitting at one of my computers at work filling out some paperwork. I had to put the date in the form, so I checked the computer -- it was 3:13 on 3/13 -- so I felt like it was a message from my mum as she died on the 13th. Well, you know, you have to get your solace where you can. Today I was reading a book, and it had a paragraph with "Vivian" and "Shelley" in it, so I decided to be consoled by a message from my pater.
This is my plan: I'm going to take Elizabeth to breakfast tomorrow, tell her, then do other things like maybe the movies or something, so when she is dropped off it won't be uppermost in her mind. Then I've asked people to email, give her a phonecall, or visit her to let her know people are there for her. E has a grief counselor right now because of Mummy's death, and her appt is Tuesday. The counselor is supposed to call me on Monday.
Marilee came over today and brought nice things -- blueberries and peaches and squash and tomatoes. Aunt Fluffy called me from New York. Tiffany sent me a card. People are thoughful and kind. The annoying man next door weed-whacked for hours and hours and was incredibly noisy. I thought my head was going to split open.
posted by - 8:53 PM
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PLZ LEEVE A MEZZAGE KTHNXBAI