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18 November 2009

Wanted: Some Google Wave-rs Interested in Writing Collaboratively
As Candide (who began the story) and I need to be amused by you and not just each other.

So far:



The Little Red Riding Font was packing her color profiles and layer masks in order to visit her parent's parent container, who wasn't feeling well formatted. Going over a tree of paragraphs, down to round shapes and towering backgrounds, was a vector path. LRRF hopped on it and happily wandered under theassuring smile of the great histogram in the sky. When she reached the page break, she stopped, unsure of what to do. A dark blob outside of the color space reared its ugly head next to her - The Word Count.

"Where are you headed, little font? Do you not know it's not safe for you to leave this page?"

"I am going to visit my grandparent! She's not well at all!"

"There are style formatters ahead, you won't get through in one edit. I'll make you an offer - I will spread around you and hide you, for they can't see me, and so you will get past them"

"You would do that for me?"


But LRRF wasn't utterly naive.

"What do you want in exchange" she asked him, with fear and mistrust.

Word Count laughed and howled in a terrible halftone, shrouded LRRF and off they went.


When LRRF awoke, she felt very dirty, with smell of Word Count all over her. He has been groping her delicate curves while she couldn't move, as they went through a picture of Tokyo metro, avoiding styles left and right adjusted, dodging guides and fills. Word Count was nowhere to be seen, LRRF looked deep inside of her and saw that her kerning was all messed up. The new kerning has made her somewhat vicious, and much less prone to poetry.

"We'll see about that!"

She walked past a line ending and smashed right through it.


Picking his teeth, the Bulleted List lounged exaggeratedly, as though he were so relaxed, so slothful, that anything bad - or even naughty - would be far too much effort for him. But LRRF knew better.

"What is that in your hand?" she asked sharply.

"This?" The Bulleted List waved airlily.

"You BEAST! That's a 4! Where's the rest of Word Count?"

"I did a little... editing. He was really much too fat. I just tightened up a few things."

  • LRRF starts off
  • LRRF meets Word Count
  • Word Count takes liberties with LRRF's curves (typopornographic passage in unexpurgated version only)
"See how much easier it is to follow!" he added.

"You've completely ruined it. That's not a novel - it's not even an outline."

"It's much better."

"You're a pig."

"I am not a pig, but you are:

  • Unsophisticated
  • Naive
  • Old-fashioned
  • Too wrapped up in that overly-ornate, Twentieth Century writing style.

"Get a clue." Bulleted List sniggered.

LRRF was about to give a caustic reply when her attention was distracted by moaning from behind the parenthetical remark.

"Urgh.... oh,oh... niiiiiiii."

Two thuds were followed by a skittering tattoo as if a nine foot high tower of cough drops had rained onto a marble floor. An 8 bounced over the remark at the same moment a prone 2 slid under it, shooting across the floor like a hockey puck.

  • LRRF meets Bulleted List
  • Word Count resurfaces

"Shut UP, " LRRF growled to Bulleted List as she approached the parenthetical remark, "Or I'll resurface YOU."

Word Count lay in a heap, his numerals scattered about and his formerly well-covered, if not to say blobby and jelly-like self reduced to a bare tree.

"I'll help you," LRRF announced, and began gathering numbers into her little basket.

"00000000." A sob, emitted from the 0 that formed Word Count's poor mouth, touched LRRF deeply and spurred her to more vigorous action. "00000000000000000000."

She stuffed 6s, 8s, 3s, 9s, and 4s into the 0 (for some reason there were no 1s at all) and Word Count grew plumper. His complexion, which had been grey as wet cement, once again became a glossy black.

With one eye focussed upon her, he "00000"'d again, but this time in a different way.

"Can it," LRRF said sternly.

"In that case, I fear I have taken you as far as I am able. You'll just have to proceed alone, now."

"Just as well," she replied.

And off she set.


"lol," someone said, the sound faint but understandable. It was followed by more, and from all directions.

"lol," they all said over and over, until a "ROFL," broke in loudly like a sneeze. "LOLOLOL!!1!"



There was a wave of lols, sounding almost like applause, which then died away into silence.

In the brief pause LRRF inched forward, trying not to attract attention.

"WTF?" echoed hollowly. "lol," someone tittered nervously. "wtf lol wot?" a number of voices chimed in.


"My, what big bounding box you have!" said LRRF to her grandparent


posted by - 6:31 PM

You guys know waaaay too much about fonts and page layouts ;-D
I wud like to help but I kant rite
can you blow things up?

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