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26 October 2010

Dakota Tebaldi over on SCmkII made this observation:

"I'm not against cremation itself, of's a very simple and effective and respectful way of dealing with death. I want my final arrangements to be very simple, so I'll certainly be cremated.

That is, everything except for my skull. Which will serve as an urn for my ashes and, bronzed, be placed in the outstretched hand of an Italian marble statue of myself in my prime, holding a striking, determined pose. This statue will be mounted on a short circular pedestal of Corinthian style, not more than 2 meters tall and 2 in circumference, which will itself surmount a hexagonal polished granite base of 2.5 meters in height and of sufficient area to hold the pedestal above. On each side of the base, vital statistics about myself are to be carved in one of six languages (English, German, Mandarin Chinese, Cyrillic, Greek, and Latin) in a monumental Romanesque font, no more than a half-an-inch deep, and inlaid with gold filigree. The whole shall occupy the center of a massive marbled rotunda, paved with slate tiles painted in a subdued smoke-and-charcoal checkerboard fashion throughout, save for the periphery where the floor meets the wall, where a round slate border shall feature quotes from notable persons, most prominently me. The quotes shall be of a tasteful contrasting color so as to be as visibly striking as possible. Leading off from the central rotunda toward the east will be a short corridor that opens into a small gallery that features art, literature, and other works of cultural significance produced during my maturity, housed in climate-controlled glass cases, properly captioned and lit. The overall decor of the room shall of course be dark and sparse, so as to draw as much attention as possible to my achievements, which are the focus of this chamber. Leading north from this room, a corridor will arc around the outside of the main rotunda, leading to another chamber due north of but unconnected with the rotunda itself. This room is to be dedicated to my childhood; featuring a tasteful statue of myself at approximately ten years of age flanked by artifacts of my youth, including early school report cards and A+ assignments, crayon artworks, love notes to and from various girls in my classes, a screenshot of the time my initials were ranked first on the Gauntlet II arcade game at the MWR center, and other such arcana. In addition, articles and artifacts emphasizing the integral military aspect of that period of my life will line the walls. This room is to be decorated in light earth tones and cool colors, and unlike the previous chamber there will be large windows permitting sunlight to pour into this room. To the west, another corridor will curve south around the rotunda to a fourth and final room; this chamber, a relatively simple affair, will feature merely a detailed biography, inscribed on the walls in English, Spanish, French, German, Arabic (ancient and modern), Russian, Turkish, Greek, Latin, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Burmese, Sanskrit, Afrikaans, Swahili, Middle Egyptian hieroglyphs, and Cuneiform. A short rough stone monument in the center of the chamber will carry my epitaph, which will read "The World Was Not Ready" in English, in a simple serif font. A short corridor to the east will connect this room with the central rotunda. Entrance and egress to and from the shrine will be made by means of a portal to the south.

The shrine is to be placed in a circular clearing of some 500 feet in radius, itself at the center of a tract of virgin forest no smaller than 100 acres square, supplied with a self-sufficient power source and connected by a meticulously-kept gravel road to the outside world. A trust, established in my name, will be tasked with the sole responsibility of maintaining the mausoleum and grounds, providing physical security, and operating the gift shop at which devoted visitors may purchase Cody memorabilia at reasonable prices."


posted by - 9:11 PM

gah that's an awful lot to read, can you just tell us what it sez? reminds me ever so slightly of the gravestones in scotland that had quite a lot of bio carved on them.
this is not a bad plan, maybe i'll print it and stick it in with my DNR papers as a sort of suggestion.
Dear dear Lucy,

Having read some of this I have an opinion:

This is an elaborate plan for the self-aggrandizement usually reserved for those whose bodies are embalmed and then put into a stainless steel casket, lined with silk, waterproof and impervious to rot, which is later lowered into the ground, with a large statue of an archangel in marble erected above to show how important he was in "life".

Cremation is usually thought of as a way to conserve space, but this joker says he has a way to get around that problem and remain in human memory FOR EVAH!
This is a very funny post Dakota wrote that made everyone laugh over at SCmkII, but apparently not over here.
Sorry, Dakota :(
it made me laugh!

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