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23 January 2012


Me 'n' Skyrim

So I was plopped down on a tumbril with some varied bound prisoners, and then we stopped in a village and the guards were just about to chop off my head when a big dragon flew down and made everyone upset. I ran off, but with one hand I had to move forward, then move the mouse to aim, then run into a wall, then aim, then... and so on ad infinitum. I was wandering around looking at things and admiring the big dragon as it fought the rubbery-looking soldiers but a big-mouth kept bellowing at me and telling me to leave. 'Oh, shut up, I thought. YOU'D BETTER GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN! 'Oh, for crying out loud.'

I went to a tower and got kitted up with some leathery duds and a sword in each hand as well as a few other things (maybe that was further along, though). A nervous fellow beckoned me over and over ('Just a MINUTE. Sheesh.') so I set off with him in my signature personal running style of *go forward* then hit the wall *track sideways* go forward *hit the wall* and so forth. Slow. We killed some dudes, ran through a dundgeon-y place where I picked up some things, then fought some giant spiders and ran past a big... oh, perhaps it was a bear, I misremember. We come out on the road and he says we'd better split up (Fine, Rubberman.) I end up running after him for a while then... let's see... I found a tavern and paid for a room but couldn't find it and logged off, sweat-drenched and exhausted (not really). Then I didn't play for a few weeks so next time I had forgotten how to sheath my weapons, which was a bit embarrassing.

So I left the tavern and ran around killing wolves and swimming and trying to catch salmon and kill elk. Next place I remember was a hosteler's, and at first a feeble-minded lad let me steal everything then said 300 times, 'You'd better GO,' until a soldier came in and killed me. Second time it was a cranky crone in charge, and she had an itchy trigger-finger. The third time it was the hosteler, and he had a ridiculously inflated idea of the worth of his horses. I couldn't stop acting hostile and hit a helpful STEAL THIS action tag by accident, whereupon he whipped out a big axe and killed me AGAIN. Next time I just stole his horse :-D and zigzagged off, dodging wolves. I fetched up at a labyrinthine ruin and cantered around a circular thing and thought, 'I'll just whip out that far gateway...' but we went directly off a cliff and felllllllllll to the bottom and had our brains dashed out. Oh, too bad!

The next time I hied off deliberately in another direction. I saw crabs, elk, a fox, hare, and so on. I ran into some grotty men who shot arrows at me. I ended up running up a long flight of steps and... *tries to remember* uh, fell off after clambering around on some big stones and had my brains dashed out (I'd kilt the horse prior to the staircase).

Next time I rode off on the horse in another 'nother direction, and saw a mastodon. And wolves, elk, blah-blah-blah. I chased around somebody-or-other's homestead, then saw a dead or injured dude at a crossroads where meanies attacked me, wolves, elk, blah-blah-blah.

That's about it, so far. *muscle-beach animation*


posted by - 9:37 PM

FUS DU RAH! I stand in awe of the Dragonborn Osprey!
Are you playing the Lord of the Rings online free-to-play game at all? I created an avatar on the server that HeadBurro plays on, Snowbourn and would be honored to fight alongside you. Let me know. Much easier to fight wolves and trolls when you are part of your own pack. I am the islefen Salazaras of Lindon on the Snowbourn shard.
it's "FUS RO DAH", heretic!
i had dat same dream once -
As is obvious I just wander around like a nimnal, not having RTFMS or even having a true desire to do anything but lollygag. I signed up for LOTRO the other day but have not yet d/l the game. That was pre-trizzities catatastrophe so I can't remember where I was, but I was inspired by your gorgeous screenshots, Salazar. HBA has had the greenlight on the new family member, so I'd imagine he's scarce atm. If my power will just stay on I may turn up on Snowbourn.

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